A Funny Thing Happened on My Way to the Apocalypse
by Thomas Luongo
Well, you torture yourself with what’s behind you
Torture yourself with what awaits you,
Dragging that guilt everywhere inside you
Anxious of the goals that always elude you
Your mind will find a way to be unkind to you somehow
But all we really have is happening to us right now.
~ Marillion, Happiness Is the Road
Having spent years preparing and worrying about what the dreaded Day of Reckoning was going to look like had a subtle yet profound effect on me. When you live with something for long enough, you kinda get used to it being there, like some homunculus sitting on your shoulder urging you to do things you would never have thought to do previously. And there’s a danger in that. You become comfortable living in a heightened state of anxiety, forgetting to stop and remind yourself just how great being alive is and enjoying the people and things you have. Spending all your time devouring/researching different techniques for survival and resource gathering will muddle your priorities; making everything seem like the single most important task to accomplish right now…dammit.. OMG! I’ve spent years beating myself up because I haven’t been as successful as I thought I needed to be in gathering what I felt was adequate to the task. A lot of energy that could have been spent productively was spent in self-recrimination and self-doubt, compounding poor decisions with others. It is this realization of wasted time that has changed my attitude towards the ‘pocky’clipse’ and my place within it.
Simply put, I saw myself reflected in someone else and was a little scared.