Get A Gun. You’re Going To Need It In Pay-Per-Cop Future
By Keith Johnson
Imagine coming home from a hard day’s work, only to find that your front door has been kicked in and your home ransacked.
You dial 9-1-1. There is a recording at the other end of the line:
“…If you are reporting a crime in progress, press 1. All other callers press 2.”
You press 2.
“If you would like to speak with a dispatcher, a fee of $2.99 per minute will be generated on your telephone service account and will appear on your next statement as “police services.” If you accept these charges, please press 1, or you can visit our website at: www.yourlocapolicedepartment.com and file a report online.”
You decide to press 2 and wait for a dispatcher.
Five minutes later, a dispatcher comes on the line and you discuss the details of your burglary. You ask for an officer to be dispatched to the scene. The dispatcher advises you that a cursory inspection—to determine if there is any forensic evidence—will run you $29.99. However, the dispatcher says that the department is running a special through the end of this week. For just $99.99, you can get a preliminary crime scene investigation, as well as two witness statements from neighbors, and the processing of up to two latent prints.