By Coach Dave Daubenmire
April 7, 2011
Cerebral—of or relating to the cerebrum or to the entire brain.
Rectum—the terminal part of the intestine from the sigmoid colon to the anus.
Itis—Inflammation or disease
Cerebral Rectumitis (CRI) is a common disorder that has caused America to plunge into darkness. “Sticking your head where the sun don’t shine” is a more common description of this disorder, one that for years, was an explanation for a teenager doing something stupid.
“Get your head out of your butt” is a phrase that has been uttered on more football fields than any other coaching axiom.
I remember the first time I ever head it. It was when I jumped offside in my first-ever high school football practice. No one had to explain to me what it meant. I guess by a process known as osmosis, I just knew that having one’s head in one’s butt was not a very good thing.
I had never seen anyone who was physically able to perform that gymnastic, but just the thought of it was not something one would endeavor to accomplish. A few laps around the practice field helped me understand that it was more desirable to have my head between my shoulders than it was to have it between my legs.
Cerebral Rectumitis is worse than ADHD. There is no medication that can control it, and no amount of therapy can cure it. It is a chronic disease, one caused not by getting involved, but from declining to face the truth.